when I grow up I want to be
like all kids I fantasized about what I wanted to be when I grew up. When I was grade school age: “when I grow up I want to be an actress”. I romanticized the idea, thinking I would find my knight in shinning armor as an actress. Thank God that path was not chosen for me as I am sure it would have been a great disappointment.
The role of actress and princess shares the same appeal; being in the public eye, love and no worries of cash flow. In reality I know the role would look much different. If I had accomplished the goal I feel confident in imagining the struggle would have left deep scars.
When I graduate
Freedom from the academic environment was eagerly anticipated from 9th grade to graduation. Dropping out wasn’t an option, however I nearly flunked out senior year for skipping to much. Throughout my learning career I was told I “didn’t apply myself”. Never a broader explanation, only confusion.
Being free from high school held all kinds of possibilities. I wasn’t eager to go back to school in the form of college, but my desire was to be an auto mechanic. I already knew a lot about cars as my grandfather and I spent a lot of time together in the garage tinkering with model A’s and such. I helped him every chance I got.
I remember him pulling me around the driveway in a old jalopy he was restoring. I’d be holding the clutch down only to let it out when he yelled at me. If the thing started I was to push the clutch back in, otherwise I left it out until he yelled again. My legs barely reached the peddle but I loved being his little helper; to the point that I was ready to attend two more years of schooling to get an associates degree. I got a year and a half under my belt and lost interest.
It’s funny
So many of us dream and plan only to find that it was in vain and our lives carry on a crash course of predetermined circumstances. The very thing that you didn’t plan on can be exactly what you end up with. For me it was opting out of children, only to find myself in management where I would be utilizing the same skill set.
Patience was one of the first skills to be honed and strengthened. It was also the weakest asset in my wheelhouse. I am thankful of the path my life went down. I’ve had my Hollywood moments, found my Prince Charming and have all that I need. The greatest thing of all is that I never lost faith and developed a closer walk with my God. I am so thankful that he is the controller of all things.
